I arrived at my Queendom looking like this.
October 8, 2005
Left 2 years after looking like this.
November 23, 2008
Seems like nothing has changed, but deep inside soooo much happened, soooo much to share,
sooooo much learned.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Our Look in the Clinic
Here are the Beautiful Pinay nurses in our clinic. That's Twinkle, Beefy, downgrade, of course, Witch is not in the picture. You may be wondering if the one at the left most is Pinay? No she's egyptian and yes, they also have black arabs in the kingdom.
There they are again now in their official clinic attire.
I learned to love all of them and miss them as well and their weird ways. Most of the nurses are Musims form Mindanao - only Beefy and Cat are catholics.
Would you like to see me at work?
Yes that's me smiling at work even if all covered up :-)
Yes that's me at play with our dermatologist's son.
And yes that's me sleeping at work....huli ako!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
There is No Color in the Kingdom
In the clinic where I worked, we were 4 Syrian dentists, 1 Syrian OB-GYNE, and a "makulit" Pinoy dentist with 5 "ultra makulit" Pinay nurses and 1 Egyptian black nurse. 6 Nurses for 6 doctors.
All of us Pinoys had the whole building to ourselves after office hours because our living quarters was just above the ground floor. We would have a lot of 'chikka' moments over dominos pizza and coke after work.
One thing I did notice was this. When a charcoal black arab would come in the clinic, you would see all the Pinoys staring at him. I am guilty of that as well. I just couldn't take my eyes off them. Whereas if I look at how my co doctors would see this "ebonies", not even a glance.
I realized then that we truly are a race of WHITE LOVERS. Deep inside all of us, we would all like to look as fair and as white as snow. Aminin mo!
All of us Pinoys had the whole building to ourselves after office hours because our living quarters was just above the ground floor. We would have a lot of 'chikka' moments over dominos pizza and coke after work.
One thing I did notice was this. When a charcoal black arab would come in the clinic, you would see all the Pinoys staring at him. I am guilty of that as well. I just couldn't take my eyes off them. Whereas if I look at how my co doctors would see this "ebonies", not even a glance.
I realized then that we truly are a race of WHITE LOVERS. Deep inside all of us, we would all like to look as fair and as white as snow. Aminin mo!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
The Queen's first night in her palace - Oct 11, 2005
The minute I arrived at my workplace, I was very open minded about everything. This was a new place, the place I chose to work in for the next 2 years so I would embrace everything there was to accept and adjust to.
Welcome to Lamset Shefa, in English, The Curing Touch Consultative Clinics. My home would also be only a floor away from my work place. Pretty good deal I tought to myself. I was led to my 1-studio bedroom, to rest. But I really couldn't so I looked around to see my bed, my very own nook in the kingdom
My bed had a mattress that needed change, my desk was with a chair which needed some cushioning. Otherwise, this was my bed to sleep for the night, still alone and good enough.
The bed I thought was even nicer than the one I had at home. But of course, the warmth and coziness was not there.
The desk, good enough for me to study in for my dental licensure exams, big enough for all my papers and books to be placed in.
At the foot of my bed was my dresser and a cabinet for my clothes.
I though to myself, where would I hang my wet clothes after laundering? Also thought what would I place in my dresser...this eventually became my pantry as you see it.
As for my clothes, no problem as I was to wear scrubs to work and a lab coat over it.
At the right side of my bed would be my dining table and refrigerator. Happy to see that my ref had fruits and some cheese in it. Not to worry because I myself brought from home some corned beef and SPAM in cans and even a can opener all for myself.
I would learn to love fresh mango and orange juice and the flat bread you see on the table, a staple on my table which sometimes I would even make into a pizza pie. The bread would cost about P12 for 5 pieces of 12 inch round flat bread - a bargain, the 1.5 liter juice about P36 - for its freshness, only a fourth of what it would cost here at home.
On the right of my dining table would be my small kitchenette. They would laugh at me for bearing that small stove but for an amateur cook like me, many delicious meals have been born from this. My microwave oven was seldom used. I would experiment on a lot of new dishes, not for hunger sake, but for the sake of doing something other than work. My pantry of condiments which consisted mainly of suka and toyo eventually grew to host other condiments I was to discover in the kingdom.
And here is my washroom and dirty kitchen. In front of which would be my bathroom which I forgot to take a pic of.
I was thankful that I had most of what I needed and more, thinking that I would be living alone here all by myself. A big part of me welcomed the thought and perhaps even got very excited at the chance of taking care of myself.
Coming home at 3 am I woke up at almost noon, very hungry and suddenly looking for my family, the ready breakfast on the table then being hit by the, BIG "H" word. I decided to call my parents back home and tell them I was safely tucked in my own little home in the kingdom.My tiny palace I would, for 2 years, call home.
The Queen in her new home.
Welcome to Lamset Shefa, in English, The Curing Touch Consultative Clinics. My home would also be only a floor away from my work place. Pretty good deal I tought to myself. I was led to my 1-studio bedroom, to rest. But I really couldn't so I looked around to see my bed, my very own nook in the kingdom
My bed had a mattress that needed change, my desk was with a chair which needed some cushioning. Otherwise, this was my bed to sleep for the night, still alone and good enough.
The bed I thought was even nicer than the one I had at home. But of course, the warmth and coziness was not there.
The desk, good enough for me to study in for my dental licensure exams, big enough for all my papers and books to be placed in.
At the foot of my bed was my dresser and a cabinet for my clothes.
I though to myself, where would I hang my wet clothes after laundering? Also thought what would I place in my dresser...this eventually became my pantry as you see it.
As for my clothes, no problem as I was to wear scrubs to work and a lab coat over it.
At the right side of my bed would be my dining table and refrigerator. Happy to see that my ref had fruits and some cheese in it. Not to worry because I myself brought from home some corned beef and SPAM in cans and even a can opener all for myself.
I would learn to love fresh mango and orange juice and the flat bread you see on the table, a staple on my table which sometimes I would even make into a pizza pie. The bread would cost about P12 for 5 pieces of 12 inch round flat bread - a bargain, the 1.5 liter juice about P36 - for its freshness, only a fourth of what it would cost here at home.
On the right of my dining table would be my small kitchenette. They would laugh at me for bearing that small stove but for an amateur cook like me, many delicious meals have been born from this. My microwave oven was seldom used. I would experiment on a lot of new dishes, not for hunger sake, but for the sake of doing something other than work. My pantry of condiments which consisted mainly of suka and toyo eventually grew to host other condiments I was to discover in the kingdom.
And here is my washroom and dirty kitchen. In front of which would be my bathroom which I forgot to take a pic of.
I was thankful that I had most of what I needed and more, thinking that I would be living alone here all by myself. A big part of me welcomed the thought and perhaps even got very excited at the chance of taking care of myself.
Coming home at 3 am I woke up at almost noon, very hungry and suddenly looking for my family, the ready breakfast on the table then being hit by the, BIG "H" word. I decided to call my parents back home and tell them I was safely tucked in my own little home in the kingdom.My tiny palace I would, for 2 years, call home.
The Queen in her new home.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
I have a friend beefy.
She lived with me for almost a year in my flat. I sort of adopted this very nice girl....sort of took her away from people I felt she didn't deserve to be with. I felt she was too good for them.
She was the head nurse in our clinic. Been with the clinic for the last 6 years without going home for a vacation. Imagine, staying away from your parents and family for that long and opting to stay in a clinic working and living in it without opting to even go out once a week???!!!! Some strange loyalty or just plain queer. Queer but nice - a good person within.
The first time I arrived at the clinic, she kindly offered me a good romance book to read and toured me throughout. I could see she had grown to love the clinic, like her own, making sure every thing was in place, every room spic and span, every equipment working at its best. She was an employers' dream come true. I don't know what she saw in me but she surprised me one day in front of our boss and told him, to take care of me because I was good for the clinic. I found it strange how by just knowing me a few days, she had mustered the guts to face the boss and tell him how he should fully trust me and my decisions because I had come from the best school in the Philippines there was, and I was different from the rest. I guess she was queer but nice, and may i add....a good judge of character....hehehe....humility aside now.
She took care of me and made my adjustment in the clinic very easy. She would entertain me with her stories...mainly from TV, old jokes of 5 years ago, home stories of her nursing craziness back then. We would laugh it out over pizza and softdrinks after work every night at 10 pm. Her stories started repeating in itself and so I felt we had to go out more often to create new memories together.
But there was one story beefy never forgot...her love affair with Sadik. Her first love she poured her life and heart into...a heartbreak she would never forget. He was the manager and she the head nurse, living and working in the same building. He noticed her, she only did when he started courting her. They fell in love, madly, crazily in love, but deep inside she knew....this would never last.
It did not. Along came boobies, the new receptionist. By her name alone, he fell. Boobies and Beefy were room mates. But Beefy was the simpler, modest one. The other, spelled excitement, they were of same nationality...Beefy was dropped. She was devastated, lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks. Cried herself to sleep every night, even pleaded to be taken back. But the lovers left to get married.
Beefy eventually got a little over him until he sarted coming back as a friend. She, being lonely but now a bit wiser, accepted him as a friend. 2 years into the marriage and they both cannot sire a child, Sadik is thinking of going back to Beefy...asshole to the max.
Well its a good thing that Beefy is finally back home after 6 long years. Thank God, You took her away again from a person who did not deserve her.
But I'm a bit sad to hear where beefy is now. She's hiding from his brother who has arranged for her to marry an american citizen. She knows this guy but is not in love with him, besides his divorced with a kid. Beefy will not accept that. As of now, she is still in hiding and still I keep her last email to me:
Dear Dra.,
Thank You po sa lahat at napagtiyagaan nyo ako sa loob ng 2 taon.Maraming,maraming salamat po talaga sa lahat ng payo,salamat din po na pinagagalitan nyo ako.You've been my inspiration and I look up to you with respect.you inspired and you let me open my eyes to know my weaknesses at nyong pagiging abnoy ko.I hope na kahit magkahiwalay tayo,hope you consider me as one of your good friends.MARAMING SALAMAT PO TALAGA SA LAHAT !!!!!!!!!At sana rin po maging maligaya kyo po kapiling si SIR GAle.
Cge po paalam na po at naiiyak na po ako.
BEEFY
I guess I am writing this because I want to tell her something as well.
Beefy,
Though you are in hiding, I am so proud of you! you have finally come to know your true worth and value. You have finally learned to Love yourself more than anything. Back when were still together, You took care of me, but in a way, I too could not let you live on your own. I always felt you would be overpowered by the evil forces and in your genuine goodness will never fight back. Sorry if I felt you were never brave enough. The inner force is finally with you my dear friend and hopefully will continually grow stronger. You deserve to be loved the best way there is, nothing less. Thank you for finally believing in yourself and what you deserve!
And that it is what my friend Beefy has become.
She lived with me for almost a year in my flat. I sort of adopted this very nice girl....sort of took her away from people I felt she didn't deserve to be with. I felt she was too good for them.
She was the head nurse in our clinic. Been with the clinic for the last 6 years without going home for a vacation. Imagine, staying away from your parents and family for that long and opting to stay in a clinic working and living in it without opting to even go out once a week???!!!! Some strange loyalty or just plain queer. Queer but nice - a good person within.
The first time I arrived at the clinic, she kindly offered me a good romance book to read and toured me throughout. I could see she had grown to love the clinic, like her own, making sure every thing was in place, every room spic and span, every equipment working at its best. She was an employers' dream come true. I don't know what she saw in me but she surprised me one day in front of our boss and told him, to take care of me because I was good for the clinic. I found it strange how by just knowing me a few days, she had mustered the guts to face the boss and tell him how he should fully trust me and my decisions because I had come from the best school in the Philippines there was, and I was different from the rest. I guess she was queer but nice, and may i add....a good judge of character....hehehe....humility aside now.
She took care of me and made my adjustment in the clinic very easy. She would entertain me with her stories...mainly from TV, old jokes of 5 years ago, home stories of her nursing craziness back then. We would laugh it out over pizza and softdrinks after work every night at 10 pm. Her stories started repeating in itself and so I felt we had to go out more often to create new memories together.
But there was one story beefy never forgot...her love affair with Sadik. Her first love she poured her life and heart into...a heartbreak she would never forget. He was the manager and she the head nurse, living and working in the same building. He noticed her, she only did when he started courting her. They fell in love, madly, crazily in love, but deep inside she knew....this would never last.
It did not. Along came boobies, the new receptionist. By her name alone, he fell. Boobies and Beefy were room mates. But Beefy was the simpler, modest one. The other, spelled excitement, they were of same nationality...Beefy was dropped. She was devastated, lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks. Cried herself to sleep every night, even pleaded to be taken back. But the lovers left to get married.
Beefy eventually got a little over him until he sarted coming back as a friend. She, being lonely but now a bit wiser, accepted him as a friend. 2 years into the marriage and they both cannot sire a child, Sadik is thinking of going back to Beefy...asshole to the max.
Well its a good thing that Beefy is finally back home after 6 long years. Thank God, You took her away again from a person who did not deserve her.
But I'm a bit sad to hear where beefy is now. She's hiding from his brother who has arranged for her to marry an american citizen. She knows this guy but is not in love with him, besides his divorced with a kid. Beefy will not accept that. As of now, she is still in hiding and still I keep her last email to me:
Dear Dra.,
Thank You po sa lahat at napagtiyagaan nyo ako sa loob ng 2 taon.Maraming,maraming salamat po talaga sa lahat ng payo,salamat din po na pinagagalitan nyo ako.You've been my inspiration and I look up to you with respect.you inspired and you let me open my eyes to know my weaknesses at nyong pagiging abnoy ko.I hope na kahit magkahiwalay tayo,hope you consider me as one of your good friends.MARAMING SALAMAT PO TALAGA SA LAHAT !!!!!!!!!At sana rin po maging maligaya kyo po kapiling si SIR GAle.
Cge po paalam na po at naiiyak na po ako.
BEEFY
I guess I am writing this because I want to tell her something as well.
Beefy,
Though you are in hiding, I am so proud of you! you have finally come to know your true worth and value. You have finally learned to Love yourself more than anything. Back when were still together, You took care of me, but in a way, I too could not let you live on your own. I always felt you would be overpowered by the evil forces and in your genuine goodness will never fight back. Sorry if I felt you were never brave enough. The inner force is finally with you my dear friend and hopefully will continually grow stronger. You deserve to be loved the best way there is, nothing less. Thank you for finally believing in yourself and what you deserve!
And that it is what my friend Beefy has become.
My Boss' last note to me before I left KSA Nov 22, 2007
Dear Dr.Mary:
I am glad that you will be able to be with your family soon pursuing your plans for wedding on time,I have been so busy the last week with International experties in medical eduction who has been conducting a workshop in our college, the last of them will be travelling today, so I will try my best to passby this afternoon to say goodbuy.
Dear Mary, you should not thank me for anything, this is your right, you owned it by your good work ,dedication and excellent comittment; you are one of the best professionals that have worked with me,and I would always be proud that I had a dentist like you working in my clinic.
I will try my best to see you before i leave,but in case i couldnt make,I hope yu all the best wishes with your wedding, & I hope to see you again....
good luck
Dr.Bassam
I am glad that you will be able to be with your family soon pursuing your plans for wedding on time,I have been so busy the last week with International experties in medical eduction who has been conducting a workshop in our college, the last of them will be travelling today, so I will try my best to passby this afternoon to say goodbuy.
Dear Mary, you should not thank me for anything, this is your right, you owned it by your good work ,dedication and excellent comittment; you are one of the best professionals that have worked with me,and I would always be proud that I had a dentist like you working in my clinic.
I will try my best to see you before i leave,but in case i couldnt make,I hope yu all the best wishes with your wedding, & I hope to see you again....
good luck
Dr.Bassam
A Foreigner's perspective of Filipinos
I promised to give you my perspective of Filipinos. i.e, a perspective
from a non-Filipino. You want an outsiders' view on what we think
Filipinos are like, etc.
I also promised to give you my views today. I really wanted to give a
detailed perspective, thinking that my weekend (Friday) would be a
lazy one. It turned out to be a busy one. I had two business meetings,
and was also counselling some Indian expat professionals who wish to
consider career alternatives.
Notwithstanding the above, I will give you my brief views (and to keep
to my promise to give you my points of view, as always):
1. There is no doubt that Filipinos as a whole, from Tawi Tawi Islands
to Luzon, they are one of the most friendly people in the world (much
like Thais);
2. The friendliness of Filipinos are very genuine - in some countries,
they befriend you for a motive, mostly likely to be able to get some
economic benefits. This is my experience in many African countries;
3. Filipinos women are the backbone of Filipino society - be it
Christians or Muslims. The women take care of the family needs
unconditionally. I have seen them in the Philippines and overseas.
4. When Filipino families are together they do well, but once the
family (husband and wife) are apart, there seems to be a high
probability that the Filipino men would go astray. I have met many
hard working Filipino women working overseas as maids, nannies, and
even professionals (nurses in particular), and dutifully sending money
home to take care of the family needs, and if the husbands are in the
Philippines there is a high probability that their husbands have
girlfriends. This problem is more true and serious with urban Filipino
men.
5. Personally, I admire Filipino women for their mental strenghts and
care for the family - they are the ones keeping the pinoy culture and
love for family alive.
6. It is a good thing that most Filipinos are religious - this, I
believe, have allowed many Filipinos to remember their values and
responsibilities at home. The religious ones do well - at home or
overseas.
7. Comparatively, Filipinos are not as good as Indians, Pakistani, etc
with money. Filipinos seem to spend more money, preferring to enjoy
the good life more than others.This is more true in more liberal
countries, where there is freedom in drinking, gambling, women, etc. -
this could be seen in Dubai where there are many Filipino men in
undesirable bars. More Filipinos own cars, handphones, etc compared to
the other nationalities in overseas.
I hope the above will help in your writing an article. I would be
happy to discuss with you in detail. You can contact me through email,
chat or mobile.
Best wishes,
Paul
from a non-Filipino. You want an outsiders' view on what we think
Filipinos are like, etc.
I also promised to give you my views today. I really wanted to give a
detailed perspective, thinking that my weekend (Friday) would be a
lazy one. It turned out to be a busy one. I had two business meetings,
and was also counselling some Indian expat professionals who wish to
consider career alternatives.
Notwithstanding the above, I will give you my brief views (and to keep
to my promise to give you my points of view, as always):
1. There is no doubt that Filipinos as a whole, from Tawi Tawi Islands
to Luzon, they are one of the most friendly people in the world (much
like Thais);
2. The friendliness of Filipinos are very genuine - in some countries,
they befriend you for a motive, mostly likely to be able to get some
economic benefits. This is my experience in many African countries;
3. Filipinos women are the backbone of Filipino society - be it
Christians or Muslims. The women take care of the family needs
unconditionally. I have seen them in the Philippines and overseas.
4. When Filipino families are together they do well, but once the
family (husband and wife) are apart, there seems to be a high
probability that the Filipino men would go astray. I have met many
hard working Filipino women working overseas as maids, nannies, and
even professionals (nurses in particular), and dutifully sending money
home to take care of the family needs, and if the husbands are in the
Philippines there is a high probability that their husbands have
girlfriends. This problem is more true and serious with urban Filipino
men.
5. Personally, I admire Filipino women for their mental strenghts and
care for the family - they are the ones keeping the pinoy culture and
love for family alive.
6. It is a good thing that most Filipinos are religious - this, I
believe, have allowed many Filipinos to remember their values and
responsibilities at home. The religious ones do well - at home or
overseas.
7. Comparatively, Filipinos are not as good as Indians, Pakistani, etc
with money. Filipinos seem to spend more money, preferring to enjoy
the good life more than others.This is more true in more liberal
countries, where there is freedom in drinking, gambling, women, etc. -
this could be seen in Dubai where there are many Filipino men in
undesirable bars. More Filipinos own cars, handphones, etc compared to
the other nationalities in overseas.
I hope the above will help in your writing an article. I would be
happy to discuss with you in detail. You can contact me through email,
chat or mobile.
Best wishes,
Paul
Monday, March 24, 2008
My OFW Spotlight article in Inquirer
Date: Sun, 5 Mar 2006 15:02:30 -0800 (PST)
Subject: OFW spotlight
Nickname: The Queen
Age: 37
Gender: female
Civil Status: single
Location: Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
Occupation: Orthodontist
Years Spent Abroad: 5 months
I write to share the unique way of how I surprisingly left our country. Submitting resumes in the net for my fiance, I myself tried my luck by a LONE submission of my own to Yahoojobs. The opportunity came for me and I simply grabbed it.
Barely 5 months in the kingdom and I have happily embraced their ways and culture, so very different from our ways back home. This says much of Pinoys, we adapt very well wherever we are.
More than the promise of a higher paying job, the joy of growing among people so different from you in language, in attitude, in religion, is the greatest challenge we Pinoys have to deal with. In such a short time, I realize these differences are only skin deep. We both share serving the same God (Allah, the Lord Almighty, God the Father), living in the same world and working for it to be a better place to live in (saving the resources, learning to keep up with technology, running a profitable business where everyone gains), and most especially, we may speak differently but we all say the same thing....we all need each other in love and work.
I would like to feel that we left home to continue giving hope to our countrymen back home. We have not jumped ship. Rather, we fight for our country in a different way...in a different place.... In the global arena, proving the FILIPINOS ARE WORLD CLASS.Whatever is happening in our country, we will overcome because we are all survivors.
We who are out of the Philippines, wish we could only do more for our land. In time, I know we will by the skill & resources we have gained elsewhere.
Though uprooted, the philippine mango will only taste ever sweetest in its own soil...don't you think so? I miss this terribly, hinog man o hilaw with bagoong. Lechon with crispy balat. Sisig. CHICHARON! Puto bumbong, kutsinta, ube, macapuno, SAPIN SAPIN! Tiangge, the christmas rush, simbang gabi, paputok, torotot. Baguio, Tagaytay, Boracay, Palawan. MOVIEHOUSE!!!!
I am a Filipino orthodontist working in Riyadh and proud as I will ever be.
In the kingdom, the medal I wear is of patients saying ," Kuayes Filipinni tabib asnan" (The good filipino dentist).
P.S.
By the way, if you're wondering whatever happened to my fiance? Well, we're still together.... Hamdillah (Godwilling)...planning our wedding next year and hoping he will join me in making our country proud...once again.
Subject: OFW spotlight
Nickname: The Queen
Age: 37
Gender: female
Civil Status: single
Location: Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
Occupation: Orthodontist
Years Spent Abroad: 5 months
I write to share the unique way of how I surprisingly left our country. Submitting resumes in the net for my fiance, I myself tried my luck by a LONE submission of my own to Yahoojobs. The opportunity came for me and I simply grabbed it.
Barely 5 months in the kingdom and I have happily embraced their ways and culture, so very different from our ways back home. This says much of Pinoys, we adapt very well wherever we are.
More than the promise of a higher paying job, the joy of growing among people so different from you in language, in attitude, in religion, is the greatest challenge we Pinoys have to deal with. In such a short time, I realize these differences are only skin deep. We both share serving the same God (Allah, the Lord Almighty, God the Father), living in the same world and working for it to be a better place to live in (saving the resources, learning to keep up with technology, running a profitable business where everyone gains), and most especially, we may speak differently but we all say the same thing....we all need each other in love and work.
I would like to feel that we left home to continue giving hope to our countrymen back home. We have not jumped ship. Rather, we fight for our country in a different way...in a different place.... In the global arena, proving the FILIPINOS ARE WORLD CLASS.Whatever is happening in our country, we will overcome because we are all survivors.
We who are out of the Philippines, wish we could only do more for our land. In time, I know we will by the skill & resources we have gained elsewhere.
Though uprooted, the philippine mango will only taste ever sweetest in its own soil...don't you think so? I miss this terribly, hinog man o hilaw with bagoong. Lechon with crispy balat. Sisig. CHICHARON! Puto bumbong, kutsinta, ube, macapuno, SAPIN SAPIN! Tiangge, the christmas rush, simbang gabi, paputok, torotot. Baguio, Tagaytay, Boracay, Palawan. MOVIEHOUSE!!!!
I am a Filipino orthodontist working in Riyadh and proud as I will ever be.
In the kingdom, the medal I wear is of patients saying ," Kuayes Filipinni tabib asnan" (The good filipino dentist).
P.S.
By the way, if you're wondering whatever happened to my fiance? Well, we're still together.... Hamdillah (Godwilling)...planning our wedding next year and hoping he will join me in making our country proud...once again.
jan 31 - feb 8, 2006 thoughts
We are in this together (Jan 31, 2006)
Tutoo pala si Dan ng sabihin niyang alam mo pag nasa ibang bansa ka, parang laging out to prove ka that they are no better than you and you can/are even better than them. No harm in thinking and being this way because you always strive to be better than you are now. The sad part comes when they don’t believe nor trust you just because you are of a different color and race. My Syrian neighbor asked me why I was so angry at my patient, I told him because I have nothing but good workmanship and intentions for my patients since I came here and I don’t want to be shouted at w/ no valid reason, not paid because of the fault of others, and treated with no respect. Often times I feel if I were a local Saudi, would they even dare treat me this way?
Now that I have simmered down, I realize, I chose this path and this is one of the challenges I really have to live with coping and adapting to a race which I feel has never felt the hardship of life.; who I feel has been spoiled rotten by their country’s wealth. Sorry if I am generalizing on the race, but one thing I do also want them to realize is that we are all working here together needing each other. Without each other, nothing good will happen. Therefore each of us need to respect and trust the other that we are both working for the good.
Handling the Cold (Jan 31, 2006)
It’s now cold again. Back home, I never felt having your finger and toes almost numb from the cold. A day without a bath was dreadful. But because of the cold (wala pa tong snow ha….), you just don’t feel like moving at all. The best therapy though is to have other thoughts than the cold. My therapy is I cook. What better way than hitting 2 birds w/ one stone. You keep warm near the stove and you are able to prepare food you will eat for the next 3 days. My other therapy is to sleep the cold away. That’s the best.
I often wonder why buildings here and houses are so solid. Having small windows, little glass. Then I realize the extreme weather as the cause. One will never survive the cold without a good heater. Winter food of soup, soup and warm soup, hot tea and warm coffee. In the desert heat on the other hand, everything is so hot that if you want to take a bath, even the water is hot. What they do here is to have a tub of water and let it cool off overnight and use it to take a bath early morning while the sun isn’t shining much yet. Well, that’s desert life.
See my Garden Grow (Feb 8, 2006)
About 3 months ago seeing the kingdom with few plants and trees I was surprised that my lowly onion and garlic pieces started growing tiny buds out of them. I wondered if I put them in water, would they survive the extreme weathers of the Kingdom? Seeing that I did not have any pot or soil, I said I will try growing them in water.
Today Oh am so proud the gardener with no garden for I have harvested my very own spring onions in the Saudi winter. The garlic bulb has brought forth long sprigs of “spring garlic”. Both have been delicious garnishing to 2 dishes of pancit palabok and continue to do so when their long weeds start bending. Their bends is a call from my spring delights saying, “Go & cut my long hair’.
Today I have also taken them for a bath to change their water…I think so flies won’t bite them as well….hehehe.
And what’s amazing is they also have long “togue like” roots that smell of what they are. I have cut them also and put them in water to try in my next cooking session.
Oh you should see their cute pots…they’re made out of pepsi liter covers. That’s another discovery. You cut the half of the pepsi plastic container with its cover and invert it to look like a short sundae serving glass. What’s good about this is its easier to clean coz the cover can be removed at its end.
So even without much trying, my garlic and onion grows buds wherever & whenever they can just to be of use…to anybody. Lets learn from my spring delights.
Tutoo pala si Dan ng sabihin niyang alam mo pag nasa ibang bansa ka, parang laging out to prove ka that they are no better than you and you can/are even better than them. No harm in thinking and being this way because you always strive to be better than you are now. The sad part comes when they don’t believe nor trust you just because you are of a different color and race. My Syrian neighbor asked me why I was so angry at my patient, I told him because I have nothing but good workmanship and intentions for my patients since I came here and I don’t want to be shouted at w/ no valid reason, not paid because of the fault of others, and treated with no respect. Often times I feel if I were a local Saudi, would they even dare treat me this way?
Now that I have simmered down, I realize, I chose this path and this is one of the challenges I really have to live with coping and adapting to a race which I feel has never felt the hardship of life.; who I feel has been spoiled rotten by their country’s wealth. Sorry if I am generalizing on the race, but one thing I do also want them to realize is that we are all working here together needing each other. Without each other, nothing good will happen. Therefore each of us need to respect and trust the other that we are both working for the good.
Handling the Cold (Jan 31, 2006)
It’s now cold again. Back home, I never felt having your finger and toes almost numb from the cold. A day without a bath was dreadful. But because of the cold (wala pa tong snow ha….), you just don’t feel like moving at all. The best therapy though is to have other thoughts than the cold. My therapy is I cook. What better way than hitting 2 birds w/ one stone. You keep warm near the stove and you are able to prepare food you will eat for the next 3 days. My other therapy is to sleep the cold away. That’s the best.
I often wonder why buildings here and houses are so solid. Having small windows, little glass. Then I realize the extreme weather as the cause. One will never survive the cold without a good heater. Winter food of soup, soup and warm soup, hot tea and warm coffee. In the desert heat on the other hand, everything is so hot that if you want to take a bath, even the water is hot. What they do here is to have a tub of water and let it cool off overnight and use it to take a bath early morning while the sun isn’t shining much yet. Well, that’s desert life.
See my Garden Grow (Feb 8, 2006)
About 3 months ago seeing the kingdom with few plants and trees I was surprised that my lowly onion and garlic pieces started growing tiny buds out of them. I wondered if I put them in water, would they survive the extreme weathers of the Kingdom? Seeing that I did not have any pot or soil, I said I will try growing them in water.
Today Oh am so proud the gardener with no garden for I have harvested my very own spring onions in the Saudi winter. The garlic bulb has brought forth long sprigs of “spring garlic”. Both have been delicious garnishing to 2 dishes of pancit palabok and continue to do so when their long weeds start bending. Their bends is a call from my spring delights saying, “Go & cut my long hair’.
Today I have also taken them for a bath to change their water…I think so flies won’t bite them as well….hehehe.
And what’s amazing is they also have long “togue like” roots that smell of what they are. I have cut them also and put them in water to try in my next cooking session.
Oh you should see their cute pots…they’re made out of pepsi liter covers. That’s another discovery. You cut the half of the pepsi plastic container with its cover and invert it to look like a short sundae serving glass. What’s good about this is its easier to clean coz the cover can be removed at its end.
So even without much trying, my garlic and onion grows buds wherever & whenever they can just to be of use…to anybody. Lets learn from my spring delights.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Where Oh where do we go from here????
May 20, 2007
Dear hangin
First of all thank you very much for being very patient and tempered with me. Second of all, I’m very sorry for complicating “uncomplicated” things between us.Sorry also for putting wordsinto your mouth or even putting blame on you .
The things happening around me are making me change my decisions. Advice now from people working with me say its best for me to get out of this clinic soonest I can. The fear and concern of whether I should listen to them or stay on for another year atleast leaves me so confused. Compounded by the worries of dad’s health and what ifs….I am learning it the hard way, “learning to be a grown up and taking all the responsibility for my actions”. I know am not alone in all this because I have you to stand by my every decision and for that, I feel am very lucky.
I know that the decisions that will come out of our talks will be faced by both of us together and that should be comforting.
Before I go on any further, let me tell you that I still want to work abroad than in the Philippines, given the following:
You are willing to go wherever we are together, 2ndary na lang what you really want for yourself
thinking of our future, that anywhere is still better than home because of the economic and political climate there
my dad’s health will deteriorate whatever I do so will plan & go on w/ our lives .i will have to learn to accept that whatever I do with my life, my dad will also want for me a better life
Having decided in doing so, I will now have to choose whether I will renew the contract here or not. With things not getting any better in the clinic, with everyone wanting to leave, and with daddy's health worsening, I will choose to tender my resignation to exit by November. It would be best that before I leave KSA, since we have the intent to come back, I must establish my contact and contract for future employment. If a good opportunity comes up, we will see.
For now I will try to look at my job situation and plan as this and hope I don’t get rattled again by any other events for now.
Honey, you are right, ako lang naman talaga ang pabago bago sa ating 2 . I have to think straight without muna the emotions. I believe ito rin naman yung nasa isip mo as I gathered in our talks kaya again, hon, so very sorry for everything.
I love you very much…..your queen
Monday, November 13, 2006
The Widow & her Mite. Ako at ang hangin.
Blessed is the widow who in her poorness gave all that she could.
Why in my blessedness, can't i do the same for hangin? I love him and yet there is always that thought of me being loved only for what i have. It is said that best to trust your instincts and my guts just say not to trust him.
Do I not love him enough to trust him? Maybe and maybe not.
Why in my blessedness, can't i do the same for hangin? I love him and yet there is always that thought of me being loved only for what i have. It is said that best to trust your instincts and my guts just say not to trust him.
Do I not love him enough to trust him? Maybe and maybe not.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
November 10, 2006
November 10, 2006
The barbecue picnic was comforting. Having to be with very nice people like basim and rabha, masha, zuzu, maha, ala, and their 2 green eyed beautiful girls, Sham and Lulu.
I get the chance to talk to basim about the witch. I just feel I did the right thing because I have protect the clinic from a person like her. The witch doesn’t have a chance to work back here because she cannot pass the licensure exams and if she does go back home, she then has to pass the board exams there plus pass the kingdom exam from home. The option of going back home and returning to the kingdom is the worst option. The most probable thing she will do is run away before her contract expires. Downgrade did the same thing and what’s to stop her when she needs to support her family.
But now that I have spoken about it to basim, and have actually decided to tell Big Boss about it asap. But there is something stopping me. I am going for my vacation and he might ask himself, what is to stop me from doing the same and not coming back? Best I guess to tell him when I get back.
The women and the men apart.
I listen first to the women. Though I don’t understand what they say, I feel them comparing and sharing each their married life experiences with their own husbands. Zuzu tells me to have 2 husbands, one for love and one for having babies….hahaha. It’s Venus talking but I can’t seem to understand.
The 2 men come and I am surprised Basim asks me IF I BELIEVE GALE? Yes I do. Then what is stopping me? I am dumfounded. I understand the martians but am left alone to decide as a venusian.
The love is something developed and you really never know what the Gods will throw unto you. 3 years of bliss then you have the kids, it’s a different stage always, twinned with problems where you also doubt always but you are committed to work things out. That’s what’s important, you stay committed to work things out for the both of you. So don’t be afraid to jump because time is gold…it is the most important you have now which you may not have tomorrow….the 2 men had adviced me well.
You 2 may have misunderstandings but there is always the bigger picture of…where do we go from here to make things better for us?
There is this person willing to walk with you through this life…take it. What am I waiting for? Uh…a proposal?
Basim says if I have all the questions to ask knowing I myself have no answers for it, then what is it actually telling me? I am afraid, afraid of the unknown. Excuse me, he says, we are all afraid and we have survived all of it this long.
Dra Maha said something today that made me think deeper about my career path.
She is working for Abu Badr who used to run our clinic. He rented and paid Big Boss SR26K a month before and he wanted to buy the whole place but Big Boss did not want. Now Abu Badr owns 4 clinics one of which Dra Maha is working for. He is a better businessman than Big Boss but less caring to his people.
This struck me more than anything, dra maha said, “YOU ARE LIVING IN HEAVEN AND YOU DON’T REALIZE IT.” Fortunate we truly are to have Big Boss as owner so we truly have to help him stay happy. Right now, he is not happy with the income the clinic is getting but I do hope things change for the better. I need all the help I can get.
I have 1 more year to go on my contract. I think it best to finally apply to SA without letting anybody else know. I can only hope for the best.
The barbecue picnic was comforting. Having to be with very nice people like basim and rabha, masha, zuzu, maha, ala, and their 2 green eyed beautiful girls, Sham and Lulu.
I get the chance to talk to basim about the witch. I just feel I did the right thing because I have protect the clinic from a person like her. The witch doesn’t have a chance to work back here because she cannot pass the licensure exams and if she does go back home, she then has to pass the board exams there plus pass the kingdom exam from home. The option of going back home and returning to the kingdom is the worst option. The most probable thing she will do is run away before her contract expires. Downgrade did the same thing and what’s to stop her when she needs to support her family.
But now that I have spoken about it to basim, and have actually decided to tell Big Boss about it asap. But there is something stopping me. I am going for my vacation and he might ask himself, what is to stop me from doing the same and not coming back? Best I guess to tell him when I get back.
The women and the men apart.
I listen first to the women. Though I don’t understand what they say, I feel them comparing and sharing each their married life experiences with their own husbands. Zuzu tells me to have 2 husbands, one for love and one for having babies….hahaha. It’s Venus talking but I can’t seem to understand.
The 2 men come and I am surprised Basim asks me IF I BELIEVE GALE? Yes I do. Then what is stopping me? I am dumfounded. I understand the martians but am left alone to decide as a venusian.
The love is something developed and you really never know what the Gods will throw unto you. 3 years of bliss then you have the kids, it’s a different stage always, twinned with problems where you also doubt always but you are committed to work things out. That’s what’s important, you stay committed to work things out for the both of you. So don’t be afraid to jump because time is gold…it is the most important you have now which you may not have tomorrow….the 2 men had adviced me well.
You 2 may have misunderstandings but there is always the bigger picture of…where do we go from here to make things better for us?
There is this person willing to walk with you through this life…take it. What am I waiting for? Uh…a proposal?
Basim says if I have all the questions to ask knowing I myself have no answers for it, then what is it actually telling me? I am afraid, afraid of the unknown. Excuse me, he says, we are all afraid and we have survived all of it this long.
Dra Maha said something today that made me think deeper about my career path.
She is working for Abu Badr who used to run our clinic. He rented and paid Big Boss SR26K a month before and he wanted to buy the whole place but Big Boss did not want. Now Abu Badr owns 4 clinics one of which Dra Maha is working for. He is a better businessman than Big Boss but less caring to his people.
This struck me more than anything, dra maha said, “YOU ARE LIVING IN HEAVEN AND YOU DON’T REALIZE IT.” Fortunate we truly are to have Big Boss as owner so we truly have to help him stay happy. Right now, he is not happy with the income the clinic is getting but I do hope things change for the better. I need all the help I can get.
I have 1 more year to go on my contract. I think it best to finally apply to SA without letting anybody else know. I can only hope for the best.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
twinkle and the witch
once in my queendom, there was twinkle.
she assisted the queen in all her tasks but she knew deep inside she was cursed. Her curse was that wherever she would go, for sure, there would be someone who would do her harm.
the queen stayed by her side all the time, warning her to be careful. Indeed the others did not like her. The queen often wondered why.
was it because twinkle had charm enough to have all the men to fall in love with her.
was it because she had the guts to get what she wanted
was it because she had the courage to face and solve her own problems as well as others'?
was it because she could get away with murder and a man, Romeo, would still love her?
these were all that the queen knew of twinkle and she was proud of her.
but it was not to be a fairy tale, because the witch came to remind her of her curse.
the witch brewed her anger for 2 months, in silence, and one day, just suddenly burst from her couldron....boiling hot...
armed with her threats and dagger, threatens to kill twinkle. why? because she is poison.
how can it be, the queen asks? but all is too late. twinkle decides to leave to save her life.
how the queen prays she could have helped more. truly there are times the queen would like to kill the witch herself but for what?
Justice is for the Gods to do, for the world to conspire.
Twinkle wherever you are, be patient, forgive....and lastly.....hope. We can still live happily ever after.
she assisted the queen in all her tasks but she knew deep inside she was cursed. Her curse was that wherever she would go, for sure, there would be someone who would do her harm.
the queen stayed by her side all the time, warning her to be careful. Indeed the others did not like her. The queen often wondered why.
was it because twinkle had charm enough to have all the men to fall in love with her.
was it because she had the guts to get what she wanted
was it because she had the courage to face and solve her own problems as well as others'?
was it because she could get away with murder and a man, Romeo, would still love her?
these were all that the queen knew of twinkle and she was proud of her.
but it was not to be a fairy tale, because the witch came to remind her of her curse.
the witch brewed her anger for 2 months, in silence, and one day, just suddenly burst from her couldron....boiling hot...
armed with her threats and dagger, threatens to kill twinkle. why? because she is poison.
how can it be, the queen asks? but all is too late. twinkle decides to leave to save her life.
how the queen prays she could have helped more. truly there are times the queen would like to kill the witch herself but for what?
Justice is for the Gods to do, for the world to conspire.
Twinkle wherever you are, be patient, forgive....and lastly.....hope. We can still live happily ever after.
trash
things like trash never did bother me before.
all my things were scattered all around me, mom used to say I have this affinity to buy "trashy" things...then why am I so sensitive to it now.
perhaps living alone and having to fend for myself has taught me a lot.
CLEAN AS YOU GO.
being alone does teach you that because you have no one to rely on but yourself.
i open my door & i see, not my trash but the trash of 4 other girls i live with....who cant even throw the trash down 3 flights of stairs????!!!!!
i ask myself now, does it bother me that they don't care about the stench it leaves the hall or does it bother me more that its outside my door?
more of the 2nd reason i think so i guess i will have to bear throwing it myself...hmph!
clean as i go...if i truly want to live by my words....then don't rely on anyone else....even if i'm cleaning other people's trash as they go.
God bless me.
all my things were scattered all around me, mom used to say I have this affinity to buy "trashy" things...then why am I so sensitive to it now.
perhaps living alone and having to fend for myself has taught me a lot.
CLEAN AS YOU GO.
being alone does teach you that because you have no one to rely on but yourself.
i open my door & i see, not my trash but the trash of 4 other girls i live with....who cant even throw the trash down 3 flights of stairs????!!!!!
i ask myself now, does it bother me that they don't care about the stench it leaves the hall or does it bother me more that its outside my door?
more of the 2nd reason i think so i guess i will have to bear throwing it myself...hmph!
clean as i go...if i truly want to live by my words....then don't rely on anyone else....even if i'm cleaning other people's trash as they go.
God bless me.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
desert
desert is so barren.
you see only emptiness in him and you fear there might just not be enough to keep your mind stimulated, your patience tested.
desert promises always to be there for you and love you forever.
you see words that can only be proven in time.
desert is so thoughtful, attentive of you and caring.
you see yourself returning his favors, gifts and merely giving back what he gives you.
why do you do that to desert?
perhaps you are not ready to go into another relationship yet?
perhaps you might fall into the trap of loving only the idea of loving again?
perhaps you are wary of his intentions, he is married after all.
all of the above and more.
you see only emptiness in him and you fear there might just not be enough to keep your mind stimulated, your patience tested.
desert promises always to be there for you and love you forever.
you see words that can only be proven in time.
desert is so thoughtful, attentive of you and caring.
you see yourself returning his favors, gifts and merely giving back what he gives you.
why do you do that to desert?
perhaps you are not ready to go into another relationship yet?
perhaps you might fall into the trap of loving only the idea of loving again?
perhaps you are wary of his intentions, he is married after all.
all of the above and more.
paid forward
today is a happy day for the merciful husband forgave his unfaithful wife and accepted wholeheartedly his wife's son from another man.
all feared the husband would not be able to accept and feared for violence and chaos in the family...but lo and behold.....time has aged husband well....to ripe maturity.
husband has made his own mistakes in his life and life has always forgiven him with another chance....he has simply paid it forward.
God bless you husband and thank God for the parents we have who have shown us the value of humility, forgiveness and love.
all feared the husband would not be able to accept and feared for violence and chaos in the family...but lo and behold.....time has aged husband well....to ripe maturity.
husband has made his own mistakes in his life and life has always forgiven him with another chance....he has simply paid it forward.
God bless you husband and thank God for the parents we have who have shown us the value of humility, forgiveness and love.
loving the idea of loving
carlo told me one day, i think with hangin, you only loved the idea of loving but did not really love the person.
this is the 2nd time i have been accused of such and by 2 people thousands of miles apart.
it may be true but it shakes me to feel that if there is truth in what they say about me, then would that mean i have never really been truly in love?
37 and never been in love.
i alwayd asked hangin before, how did you know it was me? he said it just is. so you just know without understanding why?
they also say loving someone is like that, you just do. no need to question why also.
naawa naman ako sa sarili ko.
so loving the idea of loving and hoping you would get to love the person along the way is not the way actually?
we must love the person for who he is, accept him for what he is.
well i guess i tried to love the idea and the person but they were just 2 different things ....irreconcilable.
nakakalungkot.
this is the 2nd time i have been accused of such and by 2 people thousands of miles apart.
it may be true but it shakes me to feel that if there is truth in what they say about me, then would that mean i have never really been truly in love?
37 and never been in love.
i alwayd asked hangin before, how did you know it was me? he said it just is. so you just know without understanding why?
they also say loving someone is like that, you just do. no need to question why also.
naawa naman ako sa sarili ko.
so loving the idea of loving and hoping you would get to love the person along the way is not the way actually?
we must love the person for who he is, accept him for what he is.
well i guess i tried to love the idea and the person but they were just 2 different things ....irreconcilable.
nakakalungkot.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
why twinkle is sad
1. she has been working the best way she can and yet has been tagged as a bad influence simply for being herself
2. she has family concerns direly needing financial help for her mom but has no one to turn to
3. she loves a man and yet her sister insists on a dowry he cannot pay for now due to his own family concerns
4. she is attracted to an arab capable of giving her much but cannot see herself leaving her most loved.
5. i have told her to look for another job as the owner of our clinic has only negative thoughts of her
6. downgrade's leaving is somewhat blamed on her, even indirectly
with all these in her mind, her once bubbly self has simply..... "burst".
2. she has family concerns direly needing financial help for her mom but has no one to turn to
3. she loves a man and yet her sister insists on a dowry he cannot pay for now due to his own family concerns
4. she is attracted to an arab capable of giving her much but cannot see herself leaving her most loved.
5. i have told her to look for another job as the owner of our clinic has only negative thoughts of her
6. downgrade's leaving is somewhat blamed on her, even indirectly
with all these in her mind, her once bubbly self has simply..... "burst".
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
downgrade is gone!
so sudden, downgrade slips away from us in the heat of the afternoon sun ... freely and courageously facing the unknown, carrying with her all that she can bring....and all of our trust.
i am more afraid for you now, you have chosen to trust those who can and will abuse, use and even hurt you. All because you could not accept the downgrade in your salary, and the thought of serving 2 nonagenarians, and being all alone by yourself.
but did i not make myself clear when i told you this is better than trusting the potential bastard, crazy man and even killer disguising itself as a helping hand? this service to boss would only be temporary and things can and will get better...just be patient.
your weak self could not keep still and have more faith.
i pray for you downgrade wherever you are in the kingdom, be safe and take care.
i am more afraid for you now, you have chosen to trust those who can and will abuse, use and even hurt you. All because you could not accept the downgrade in your salary, and the thought of serving 2 nonagenarians, and being all alone by yourself.
but did i not make myself clear when i told you this is better than trusting the potential bastard, crazy man and even killer disguising itself as a helping hand? this service to boss would only be temporary and things can and will get better...just be patient.
your weak self could not keep still and have more faith.
i pray for you downgrade wherever you are in the kingdom, be safe and take care.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
time is gold, money is paper
funny how after reading this line, suddenly people started coming to me asking for financial help.
of course there's also the line to be careful with dealing with money and friends, you might lose both.
there's stargate who cares but has sudden needs for his father and brother.
there's twinkle whose mother is going to need kidney laser surgery.
there's downgrade who by a misfortune of her own doing suddenly borrows to send her family in mindanao.
there's imzin who seem to have lied by using his friend to borrow money for sri lanka.
funny how the 3 of the 4 seem to be very wary of each other warning me of the other.
makes me just smile, why wouldn't i lend her the money when i lent you?
seems like all of them are thinking only of themselves, seeming to look like they care for me?
but if i am goin to live by the words i live:
1. the very point of having anything is to give it away
2. at your last breath, you will ask for more time and not more money
3. lend only what you are willing to give away
then i know how i will handle all of them.
of course there's also the line to be careful with dealing with money and friends, you might lose both.
there's stargate who cares but has sudden needs for his father and brother.
there's twinkle whose mother is going to need kidney laser surgery.
there's downgrade who by a misfortune of her own doing suddenly borrows to send her family in mindanao.
there's imzin who seem to have lied by using his friend to borrow money for sri lanka.
funny how the 3 of the 4 seem to be very wary of each other warning me of the other.
makes me just smile, why wouldn't i lend her the money when i lent you?
seems like all of them are thinking only of themselves, seeming to look like they care for me?
but if i am goin to live by the words i live:
1. the very point of having anything is to give it away
2. at your last breath, you will ask for more time and not more money
3. lend only what you are willing to give away
then i know how i will handle all of them.
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