desert

desert is so barren.

you see only emptiness in him and you fear there might just not be enough to keep your mind stimulated, your patience tested.

desert promises always to be there for you and love you forever.

you see words that can only be proven in time.

desert is so thoughtful, attentive of you and caring.

you see yourself returning his favors, gifts and merely giving back what he gives you.

why do you do that to desert?
perhaps you are not ready to go into another relationship yet?
perhaps you might fall into the trap of loving only the idea of loving again?
perhaps you are wary of his intentions, he is married after all.

all of the above and more.

paid forward

today is a happy day for the merciful husband forgave his unfaithful wife and accepted wholeheartedly his wife's son from another man.

all feared the husband would not be able to accept and feared for violence and chaos in the family...but lo and behold.....time has aged husband well....to ripe maturity.

husband has made his own mistakes in his life and life has always forgiven him with another chance....he has simply paid it forward.

God bless you husband and thank God for the parents we have who have shown us the value of humility, forgiveness and love.

loving the idea of loving

carlo told me one day, i think with hangin, you only loved the idea of loving but did not really love the person.

this is the 2nd time i have been accused of such and by 2 people thousands of miles apart.

it may be true but it shakes me to feel that if there is truth in what they say about me, then would that mean i have never really been truly in love?

37 and never been in love.

i alwayd asked hangin before, how did you know it was me? he said it just is. so you just know without understanding why?

they also say loving someone is like that, you just do. no need to question why also.

naawa naman ako sa sarili ko.

so loving the idea of loving and hoping you would get to love the person along the way is not the way actually?

we must love the person for who he is, accept him for what he is.

well i guess i tried to love the idea and the person but they were just 2 different things ....irreconcilable.

nakakalungkot.

why twinkle is sad

1. she has been working the best way she can and yet has been tagged as a bad influence simply for being herself

2. she has family concerns direly needing financial help for her mom but has no one to turn to

3. she loves a man and yet her sister insists on a dowry he cannot pay for now due to his own family concerns

4. she is attracted to an arab capable of giving her much but cannot see herself leaving her most loved.

5. i have told her to look for another job as the owner of our clinic has only negative thoughts of her

6. downgrade's leaving is somewhat blamed on her, even indirectly

with all these in her mind, her once bubbly self has simply..... "burst".

downgrade is gone!

so sudden, downgrade slips away from us in the heat of the afternoon sun ... freely and courageously facing the unknown, carrying with her all that she can bring....and all of our trust.

i am more afraid for you now, you have chosen to trust those who can and will abuse, use and even hurt you. All because you could not accept the downgrade in your salary, and the thought of serving 2 nonagenarians, and being all alone by yourself.

but did i not make myself clear when i told you this is better than trusting the potential bastard, crazy man and even killer disguising itself as a helping hand? this service to boss would only be temporary and things can and will get better...just be patient.

your weak self could not keep still and have more faith.

i pray for you downgrade wherever you are in the kingdom, be safe and take care.

time is gold, money is paper

funny how after reading this line, suddenly people started coming to me asking for financial help.

of course there's also the line to be careful with dealing with money and friends, you might lose both.

there's stargate who cares but has sudden needs for his father and brother.

there's twinkle whose mother is going to need kidney laser surgery.

there's downgrade who by a misfortune of her own doing suddenly borrows to send her family in mindanao.

there's imzin who seem to have lied by using his friend to borrow money for sri lanka.

funny how the 3 of the 4 seem to be very wary of each other warning me of the other.

makes me just smile, why wouldn't i lend her the money when i lent you?

seems like all of them are thinking only of themselves, seeming to look like they care for me?

but if i am goin to live by the words i live:

1. the very point of having anything is to give it away

2. at your last breath, you will ask for more time and not more money

3. lend only what you are willing to give away

then i know how i will handle all of them.